It's a rough time...

Having a rough time...

Baby girl hasn't gone to bed at a reasonable time (before 9) in almost 2 weeks, that means I haven't talked to my Hubby in over two weeks. Barely more than, "How's your day" which is rough. I miss him. I need to have real conversation. Deep, real conversation. I don't have many friends, but even the ones I do have I can't seem to get past the surface. I want people who want to invest in me. I crave depth. Maybe everyone is just as afraid as I am to open up? Scared of being left vulnerable. I'll be there... I just want others to be as well...

Standing? Crawling?

My Dear Baby Girl.
You are getting bigger every day, it is scary how fast you are growing up. Just a week ago you started standing and crawling! I can't believe it, you are so amazing! I am so proud of you as you get more confident in going toward things, even though it's scary as your Mommy that you could get hurt and you do sometimes. I adore you babe!

My baby girl

Dear Baby Girl,
You are such a treasure, you love to splash in the bath tub, you are almost 7 months old and have begun to go up on all fours and propel yourself forward. I adore you, when I am putting you to sleep for the night you love nuzzling noses and my caressing your nose to sleep. You have a baby doll that you absolutely love and in fact can not go to sleep without her. I think it is so sweet that you already have a favorite toy. You have also learned to go from laying down to sitting up all by yourself and back down. I am astounded by you every day. You seem to be growing up so fast every day! I love you baby girl!
Love your Mommy

Update

So my Hubby came home later the next day after the tomato fiasco and I cried, he took her and we talked for a while. It's been a week since I started block nursing and there has been a noticable difference, she doesn't choke as much and isn't as gassy. Her poop hasn't changed much so I have taken out dairy. That is sure a hard thing to do! But it's worth it, she is worth it!

Since I have taken out diary she has had noticable improvement. She is less crabby and her poop is becoming more normal. Today was hard, we were out all weekend and she doesn't like being out for long periods of time. She let me know by crying a lot and being generally upset with the carseat.

New development, she has begun to take a pacifier, which is wonderful! It makes car rides or leaving her to get some food or go to the bathroom much easier. It distracts her just enough to get a brief moment alone. She has her first cold every and she is a trooper, even with being uncomfortable, she is a pretty good baby! I love her tons!

I am so tired, her sleep schedule has been changing and I haven't figured it out yet, I am one tired mommy! Anyway, that's what's up here. :)

Boy I HATE tomatoes!

My lovely baby girl's tummy gets upset by them, and boy does that make my life miserable. Crying all day is not my idea of a fun time. Several times I came close to crying myself!

On the upside, her poop has been getting better since block feeding, better consistancy, still a nice shade of pea soup though. I am feeding her on the same side for two hour intervals before switching. I am also leaking a lot less, which is a nice perk! :)

And this is my life, as a new mom, but I will not be eating tomatoes again for any reason any time soon!

6 Weeks Down...

And it's still hard... My beautiful baby girl is 6 weeks old and just as wonderful as can be.  But some days I just want to cry, just sit and cry, my whole world has turned upside down. I am no longer a me or even a me and my husband, but we are a three... we are a we. It's astounding if I have a moment to myself. She wants to nurse all the time and has been having an uncomfortable stomach. "Colic" as it is so lovingly called, which means, we really have no idea what is going on, so take a guess.  After doing some reading I have concluded that she has foremilk, hindmilk imballance which happens when you have a forceful let down and overproducton of milk. Which I have both of, the thing that happens is she gets too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk. This imballance makes her poo green, foamy and smelly. Delightful huh! So, now it has become my job to fix this problem to help my girl feel better!

With all of this change taking place I have yet to figure out how to balance the needs of the house, doing dishes, doing laundry and the like, with all the requirements associated with becoming a mom the housework including making dinner has fallen to the wayside.  Part of which makes me feel like a failure as a wife and homemaker. This is my job and sometimes it feels like I should be fired... Then other days I feel that being a mom is exactly what I was made for.  That God hand picked me to be a Mother.  That there is no other job I would rather have. My whole life I have been that "little mom" to everyone's children and because of that, there is this pressure to be the best mom. But it's hard, it's really hard. It's hard to be glued to an infant, it's hard to go out, it's hard to breastfeed in public, especially with the forceful let down and overproduction of milk, she chokes and cries. It is a hard thing to deal with while trying to keep myself covered and take care of the baby. Sometimes I want to cry, but don't know why and it makes me sad that I feel that way.

It will get better... it will get easier... and I will get the hang of this... hopefully sooner than later!