6 Weeks Down...

And it's still hard... My beautiful baby girl is 6 weeks old and just as wonderful as can be.  But some days I just want to cry, just sit and cry, my whole world has turned upside down. I am no longer a me or even a me and my husband, but we are a three... we are a we. It's astounding if I have a moment to myself. She wants to nurse all the time and has been having an uncomfortable stomach. "Colic" as it is so lovingly called, which means, we really have no idea what is going on, so take a guess.  After doing some reading I have concluded that she has foremilk, hindmilk imballance which happens when you have a forceful let down and overproducton of milk. Which I have both of, the thing that happens is she gets too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk. This imballance makes her poo green, foamy and smelly. Delightful huh! So, now it has become my job to fix this problem to help my girl feel better!

With all of this change taking place I have yet to figure out how to balance the needs of the house, doing dishes, doing laundry and the like, with all the requirements associated with becoming a mom the housework including making dinner has fallen to the wayside.  Part of which makes me feel like a failure as a wife and homemaker. This is my job and sometimes it feels like I should be fired... Then other days I feel that being a mom is exactly what I was made for.  That God hand picked me to be a Mother.  That there is no other job I would rather have. My whole life I have been that "little mom" to everyone's children and because of that, there is this pressure to be the best mom. But it's hard, it's really hard. It's hard to be glued to an infant, it's hard to go out, it's hard to breastfeed in public, especially with the forceful let down and overproduction of milk, she chokes and cries. It is a hard thing to deal with while trying to keep myself covered and take care of the baby. Sometimes I want to cry, but don't know why and it makes me sad that I feel that way.

It will get better... it will get easier... and I will get the hang of this... hopefully sooner than later!